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Pride defensiveness entails the behavior of vigorously protecting and justifying one’s pride, often in the face of perceived threats or challenges.
This thing called pride defence is a trait that runs in every one of us as humans. And often a time, we just tend to do it out of our subconscious because it has become a part of us already.
Now, it’s one thing to have pride and it’s another thing to be defensive in your pride. We are all victims of it, at one point in our lives or the other. But then, only those that are self-aware can correct such defensive and just lay low their egos.
And you know, having a defensive pride is even worse than having the pride itself. This kind of elevate the ego and makes it feel protected from the “arrows” that may come from other people.
If not for the fact that I know and have read about pride defensiveness, I wouldn’t have known there is such a thing as this. And I asked myself, “What could possibly want to make me defend my pride?“. And you know the only thing that could make us be defensive of our pride is our Ego. The Ego at it again, right?
Well yes, the Ego is virtually the one thing that causes so many unethical traits in us, including pride. It doesn’t want to be hurt, so it always wants to protect itself. And you know what? it doesn’t mind doing it at the expense of hurting others. That’s how the ego works.
So defending your pride is one way the ego uses to protect itself from diminishing. I know I’ve not figured it all out yet, but then I am quite aware now that defending my pride is not something I want to be doing, because doing that would mean that I’m feeding my ego.
And what happens to things that are fed? That’s right, they grow bigger and better. I don’t want that to happen to me, and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want that for yourself too, right?
WAYS WE DEFEND OUR PRIDE
You know, most of us live out our lives not minding what we do and how we behave towards others. We just seem to think our lives is ours and ours alone and nobody should dictate for us.
Well, that is true. It’s your life and nobody should tell you how you live it. But then, you are not the only living being on this earth, whatever you do whether you’re aware of it or not, affect the world either directly or indirectly.
One toxic attitude from you means the world is toxic by one person which is you. And just imagine how many more people expel such toxicity to the earth’s atmosphere.
What this means is that we all are one and we live in an interdependent world. We need each other to strive and survive. But so many people are so proud to admit this fact and as such, they think they don’t need anyone to survive.
Apparently, one tends to be defensive of his pride in many ways, but I’ll talk about 3 core ones which I’ll enumerate below.
Not Admitting that You’re Wrong
This is one of the most common behaviours of pride defensiveness. To be frank, admitting one’s wrong can seem embarrassing. Doing that would mean that the ego has been silenced and placed in the dark because it’s not as easy as it seems. Not admitting your mistakes is more like not taking responsibility for your actions. That is why there tend to be so many “irresponsible” people out there.
We do something that’s not right, yet we’re so egocentric to admit that it was wrong. And this trait is seen more in male folks because they have “bigger” egos. And those “egos” are not ready to take responsibility. For some reason, you keep pushing blames. And when you do that, you’re protecting your ego which is not a good thing to do. If anything, the ego should be exposed and not protected because if you keep protecting it, you’ll keep getting proud, that is what it does. And you know it takes so much courage to admit one’s mistake.
So consider yourself courageous when you can do such. Admitting your mistakes is like lifting and leaving a ship anchor on your ego and that is exactly what you should be doing. It doesn’t need to be treated nicely or with kindness, Nah! That will definitely do you no good. It’s better to keep diminishing your ego on a daily basis, then you would know how lovely things can get for you.
So no matter how hard it is, learn to always admit your mistakes and take utmost responsibility for your every action, either good or bad. And you know, people will tend to respect and admire you more when you can do this, it really that simple. People respect honesty and transparency.
Not saying “I’m Sorry”
I really don’t know why we find it so difficult to apologize whenever we offend someone else. Non-usage of this word has caused a lot of friendship to be ruined, broken relationships and marriage, terminated business dealings and conflicts between nations. It’s really a simple word to say, but it’s still not easy for so many people to say.
Personally, I use to find it difficult to say sorry too until I became aware of how much ruin it has caused in my life. Using this word has really helped me to build stronger and better relationships with my families and friends.
I remember one time that my elder brother offended me. Actually, he accused me of something I didn’t do and then he kept shouting at me on the phone. I was already picking offence and not even listening to any word he was saying. Also, I was so infuriated and I was crying bitterly too. I know, what the hell was I crying for? Well, you should know that when I’m angry, I just burst into baby tears and I really can’t help it. But then, I was getting this feeling of apologizing to him.
Crazy right? I know! At first, I didn’t mind the feeling. I was like, they offended me so why should I be the one to apologize? What the hell am I apologizing for? I really did not do anything wrong you know. All these questions and many more kept coming through my mind. And you know, it was the ego that was speaking and not myself, per se. But then after much battling, I decided to apologize. But then I didn’t call him to say it. I had a better plan.
I decided to write him an apology note. While I was writing that note with my laptop, I was crying so bitterly. I guess this time it was my ego that was just being dramatic because it was really painful to apologize for what I didn’t do. After I finished the note, I sent it to him and waited to see his response… I didn’t actually get a response that day though I got it the following day and I was shocked as hell! My. Bro actually called me and apologized.
I was really surprised you know. Men have so much ego and I haven’t heard my bro apologize to anyone in that house since I was born. But that day he did it and I really felt good because I apologized for something I didn’t do. So what I’m saying in essence, is always learn to put down your ego and aim for the greater good.
Not Asking for Forgiveness
You know, it’s one thing to say “I’m sorry” and it’s another to ask for forgiveness. Many of us skip this part, including me. We just somehow leave it out of the whole apologetic scene we face every now and then. But, this is what will seal the deal of your apology. Just imagine you saying that you’re sorry and then not asking for forgiveness, how would you know that the person had totally taken the issue off his/her mind when you’ve not asked for their forgiveness.
I know you might want to say that saying sorry can be related to asking for forgiveness, true though. I am not debunking the fact. But when you pray, would you go to God and just say “I’m sorry” without directly asking for His forgiveness? Of course not! You’re actually sorry because you want him to forgive you so you ask for it. The same applies to us as humans.
Learn to always add the forgiveness part when you’re apologizing too, it will seal the deal as I said earlier. And don’t allow your ego to ever come between you and yourself and the relationship you’ve with other people. It will only ruin it and I believe you don’t want that, so make it mute and always do the right thing.