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Before engaging in conversation, there are five crucial factors to ponder. Firstly, understanding the context and the setting is vital, as it dictates the tone and topic appropriateness.
Hi guys. Today we would be looking at the things you need to consider before speaking and saying certain things.
Someone would probably be thinking “why do I have to be considering so much before talking”. Yes, many obviously don’t see the reason why they need to consider anything before talking. So they do not bother to run the thread through the needle before speaking.
And most of the people who think this way are usually the ones who do not know how to talk, especially in public. You find them in the midst of gatherings talking as they please. At the slightest thing, they have opened their mouth.
Well, there are lots of Important reasons why you must consider certain things before making some statements, some of which include:
- when a word comes out, you can’t take it back and
- if you aren’t careful your words would obviously put you in trouble
The things you need to consider before speaking are all summed up Into one simple word which is – T.H.I.N.K!
Many have lost their jobs and jeopardised important relationships and even as bad as losing their lives all because they simply don’t know how to think before talking.
Do you think before talking? Or do you just say anything that comes to your head without considering the negative effect of your words?
Well, you should always think and learn to give some of the things you say a little consideration before uttering them. No matter how trivial they might seem. Especially if it is something really sensitive. But what are the things you should actually consider before talking?
5 Important Things to Think about before Speaking
I already mentioned above that the one thing you actually need to do before talking is “THINK”.
But then what would you think about?
That is exactly what brings us to the things to consider before speaking. In other words, they are the things to actually think of before talking so you do not talk anyhow or say something you would regret afterwards.
They are:
- T- is it TRUE & TIMELY
- H- is it HELPFUL
- I- is it INSPIRING
- N- is it NECESSARY
- K- is it KIND
In other words: T H I N K
5 Questions to ask yourself before speaking
The THINK concept is useful not only in day to day interactions but for any situation where words are employed, such as in cyberspace–hurtful comments online are just as painful as if they are said in real life.
So ask yourself these 5 questions :
IS IT TRUE & TIMELY?
a) Is It True?
A lot of times people just talk for talking sake regardless of whether it’s true or not. They just want to have what to talk about.
You find them spreading false news all about in the name of making conversation which obviously ought not to be.
It is very important to always ask yourself if what you want to say is actually true. Is it true or is it all lies? lies and misinformation hurt others and reflect the liar as someone untrustworthy.
Other times it might not be a full-blown lie per se but half-truths and unnecessary exaggerations that can easily make way into our speech.
That’s why you find some people saying one thing today and tomorrow they are saying something else that doesn’t tally with their previous statements.
If you do not lie in the first place, you wouldn’t have to be so conscious about getting caught with your words. So learn to be truthful when you speak. It never profits to lie.
b) Is It Timely?
Have you ever felt compelled to say something that you knew was true, but only later realized you probably should have chosen a different time to express it?
This one can be really difficult because it requires insight into another person’s frame of mind, which comes from being fully present in our conversations so we can pick up on their verbal and physical cues.
Sometimes what we want to say is true but then we might fail to consider if it is timely. Timing is very important. And it takes careful studying and paying attention to the other party to know when to say certain things and when to bite your tongue and save comment for later.
And this is very important, especially in relationships. It’s not always enough to be truthful and knowing what to say but also knowing the right time to say it is very important.
IS IT HELPFUL?
Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it will be, by definition, helpful for the person to know that information.
Are your words helpful? Assisting others to make better decisions by offering good advice is also important.
Always give the most helpful comments, especially when someone is asking for your opinion/advice.
That’s because the person may heed what you say, and giving someone badly thought-out or random advice would lead the person on a wild goose chase, in turn wasting their time.
“Helpful” here includes helping the person feel better, helping them gain clarity, helping them take action, and/or helping them reach the right decision etc
IS IT INSPIRING?
You are probably wondering if everything you say need to be inspiring. Well not necessarily actually. But are most of the things you say Inspiring and motivating or are they demotivating?
Think of it this way. If you wanted to make sure that everything you say to your people will inspire them to perform better, would you ever say something that would demotivate them?
Would you ever berate them? Or dis them in front of their peers? Would you ever yell at them or indict their entire character on the basis of a poor choice they made? Never.
PS: This doesn’t mean you can’t be the bearer of bad news or that you can’t critique someone’s performance.
It simply means that you’ll stop long enough to rethink what you want to say in order that it’ll produce the result you want to see in them (i.e. a better them).
Just think of how much trouble you could avoid if you regularly just asked this one question, “Is this inspiring?”
The inspirational way is the most powerful way of triggering people into action. You can either use force or love and of course, love actually works best.
Being “inspiring” doesn’t have to come from making big statements or promises — all you have to do is speak from your heart and speak with the intent to uplift others and the rest will take care of itself.
IS IT NECESSARY?
Do your words really need to be said? Useless chatter is annoying, while language that actively hurts others is wholly unnecessary.
Something might be true, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to be said. Before speaking, think about whether your words will benefit or cause harm to others. If there’s no good foreseeable outcome, it probably doesn’t need to be said.
In other words, something you might want to say could be true, but it might not be necessary for you to say it.
What is necessary is subjective. For me, necessary means something that I feel the person must hear, that will add value to the person’s life, and that will further the conversation in a good way.
When you focus on the necessary, conversations become more meaningful; people also appreciate what you have to say because they know there’s a reason behind everything you say.
It doesn’t mean you should be boring and not know how to hold a decent and cool conversation all in the name of you feel everything is not necessary. No, I don’t mean that.
IS IT KIND?
Is what you want to say kind? We all know the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all”. Unkind sentences obviously have the power to hurt people.
As we live in a digital age where everyone is quick to make knee-jerk reactions and criticize than appreciate, being kind is more important than ever. With every comment you make, online or off, strive to be kind.
Being kind with our words does not only involve what we say alone but how we say it. I keep saying how we say certain things is often more important than the things we are saying exactly.
What tone do you use when you address others? And oftentimes our tone is as a result of the perspective in which we use to view the other person.
Considering our own attitude while speaking is another useful approach to evaluating our speech. What are we thinking and feeling as we contemplate saying something?
when we view the other person with compassion instead of judgement or defensiveness, it naturally comes through in the way we communicate with them.
If someone has hurt or offended us and we’re speaking up about it, have we already categorized the other person as unreasonable, cruel, selfish, or irredeemable? If so, chances are our speech will be tinged with anger and a desire to hurt the person in return.
However, what about when we find our attitude toward others is still less than kind? Sometimes we may still decide it’s important to speak. But at least we can be aware that we’re coming from a biased place, and perhaps speak in a way that minimizes expression of that bias.
Conclusion
Regardless of what or how you feel, pause and T.H.I.N.K before you speak.
Two great techniques for learning to think before you speak are to find your internal ‘pause’ button and to use the THINK acronym.
Be prepared to think before you speak by Pausing and asking yourselves these five simple questions, and watch yourself have more purposeful and positive communications.
ALSO READ:
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Managing Interactions with a Narcissist: 10 Effective Approaches
Understanding the Self-Concept: Its Sources and Origins
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